So yesterday I confessed to my husband that every time I go out with the kids (meaning, to Target, grocery store, library, etc.), we get stares. Every single time. The stares come from a wide range of people-- old ladies, teenagers, working men and women... but seriously, everywhere we go, people are staring. I've tried so many times to figure out exactly what they are staring at. I've come up with a short list:
1) They are counting my kids and trying to figure out how close in age they all are.
Because my kids don't exactly have 'tall genes', they are all very small and look younger than they really are. I get asked if any of them are twins more times than I can count.
2) They are trying to figure out how old I am.
Because I started having kids so young, I do look a bit younger than many moms that have 3 kids. But seriously, I don't look 16!! Is it that strange that a woman in her 20's would have 3 young kids?
3) They are sympathizing that I have three boys and no girls.
This is one of the comments that I receive the most: "Wow, three boys. No girls, huh?" Now, I realize that people are just making small talk, but they make it sound as though having three boys is some sort of punishment.
Yes, these are three very good reasons why people might be staring at us as we go about our business. But you want to know the real reason I think people love to stare?
They are silently criticizing.
I say this not to condemn the people who do it, because I used to be one of them. Before I had kids. Before I had three young kids. Before I had three young, curious, active, not always obedient kids.
Back then, when I saw a mother in the store with her kids, and one of them started throwing a fit, or disobeying, or screaming, or whining, or running, etc., etc., I'd silently think to myself, "If that was my kid, things would be so different! I'd show them a thing or two." Well, now those are my kids. And my thought process has done a complete 360 (180?). Now, this does not mean that I let the kids go hog-wild anytime we are out. Actually, we have a list of "store rules" that we repeat before we go inside any store. The kids can tell you these verbatum and are actually quite good at heeding them. However, there are exceptions.
Sometimes they get tired of sitting strapped to a cart for an hour and begin to get antsy. Sometimes this feeling of being antsy can lead to irritating each other by say, poking one another. And sometimes poking one another can lead to shoving. And yes, before I had kids, I would look at the mother with the boys shoving each other in the cart and say, "Oh my goodness, how can that be? If those were my kids, they would be sitting nicely in the cart." And then I would look at the mother who loudly says to her boys "Boys!! No shoving!!", and think, "Wow, if I were that mother, I would be kinder when scolding my children."
No more. Now I simply look at that mother with an encouraging smile and continue on my parenting journey. This is my parenting journey, the one that God has called me to. I am doing my best day by day to raise my kids the way that He has called me to do in His word. Do I do it perfectly? No way. I am a work in progress. My kids are not perfect. So, stare if you must, but please know that with the Holy Spirit's help, I am doing my best. It's all I can do.
